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Written by: Family Dynamics Psychotherapist Yuen Wai-man
Little Hsuen is in the first grade. Her father passed away from illness when she was one year old. For a long time, her mother relied on her husband’s savings to take care of Hsuen at home. However, in recent years, as financial circumstances became strained, her mother had to take on a part-time job to support the family’s expenses. Recently, Hsuen has been unable to attend school peacefully; every time her mother takes her to school, she cries and throws a tantrum, refusing to let her mother leave. During class, she insists that her mother stay outside the classroom for over an hour so she can see her through the classroom window before she can reluctantly settle down to learn.
Recently, Hsuen’s pet cat, which she cared for, unfortunately passed away due to illness, leaving her feeling gloomy and worried that other unfortunate events might occur, such as her mother passing away one day. Since then, Hsuen has become afraid to sleep alone and frequently experiences physical discomfort, including symptoms of vomiting and headaches.
This situation has persisted for two weeks, and her mother is exhausted and increasingly worried and anxious. Through a friend’s recommendation, she sought help from a psychotherapist.
The psychotherapist used play therapy to create a safe therapeutic environment for Hsuen, establishing a trusting relationship with her so that she could gradually explore and express her anxieties independently. Hsuen has always shown a timid and shy temperament, and since her mother started working part-time, the secure attachment relationship between Hsuen and her mother has been destabilized. Therefore, the psychotherapist focused on helping Hsuen realize that the world is warm and safe, encouraging her to share her inner world.
Hsuen’s mother revealed to the psychotherapist that because she has to work outside, she feels she hasn’t adequately cared for Hsuen. As a result, she has become overly accommodating at home, doing her best to protect Hsuen from harm. For example, when Hsuen needs to handle simple paper-cutting crafts, her mother repeatedly warns her to be careful and threatens to take her to the hospital if she gets hurt. Due to the pandemic, her mother cannot be by her side. However, this excessive protective parenting style has caused Hsuen to feel very anxious, fearing separation from her mother and believing that she too will die like her beloved cat. At night, she repeatedly experiences nightmares about being separated from her mother and her cat.
Methods to Alleviate Children’s Separation Anxiety
The psychotherapist helped Hsuen and her mother reconstruct a safe and warm world through the following methods, enabling Hsuen to develop independent behavior and improve her separation anxiety symptoms: