Category: Parents Zone

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Promotion of Parents’ Physical and Psychological Well-being

This Life is Also About Progress, But Are You Happy?

This Life is Also About Progress, But Are You Happy?

Written by: Dr. Wong Chung-kwong, Vice Chairman of The Hong Kong Institute of Family Education

“Unsuccessful, therefore unhappy!” This mindset is not difficult to understand. However, in today’s world, why are many successful people still unhappy?

In my clinical work, I often encounter many unhappy individuals. Years ago, a successful and wealthy man in his sixties confided in me. He shared that after years of hard work in his career, accumulating wealth, he felt lonely and unhappy. I asked him, “What have you been pursuing all your life?” Without hesitation, he answered, “My career.” I continued, “What have you gained in your career but lost in the process?” He pondered for a while and then admitted that his relationship with his wife and children was very distant.

There are two things in life that are quite similar, and not understanding the difference between them is often a significant reason for unhappiness. These two things are “needs” and “wants.” To be happy, we “need” emotional fulfillment, which includes good family relationships and friendships. However, many people, in their pursuit of what they “want”—careers and wealth—neglect their families and undervalue friendships. Even though they achieve the careers and wealth they desire, their emotional “needs” remain unmet, leading to loneliness and unhappiness. If you feel unhappy, take a moment to pause and reflect on what you have been pursuing in life.

“I had everything in my childhood, but I lacked… “Have you ever considered that there is a child inside you?

Throughout life, we search for many things, one of which is to find the child within ourselves. Look at these photos; which one resembles the child within you?

This is also a true story from years ago. A middle-aged woman confided in me: “I grew up in a wealthy family, lacking for nothing materially. However, my mother was an unhappy person; she was often at home but rarely spent time with me. My father worked long hours, and I seldom saw him. We had everything at home, but it felt like I had no parents!”

This woman worked diligently in her studies and excelled academically. As an adult, she achieved great success in her career, and her husband treated her well, yet she still felt profoundly unhappy.

Children who lack parental love often feel anxious, lonely, and unhappy. Although they may achieve success and have a happy family in adulthood, the feelings of anxiety, loneliness, and unhappiness linger. Why is this? Simply put, they seem to exist in two worlds simultaneously: in the “real world,” they are successful and happy adults; but in their “inner world,” they live with an anxious, lonely, and unhappy child.

If you are an unhappy person, please take a moment to pause and reflect. Seek out the child within your heart and see whether he or she is a happy or an unhappy child.

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Understanding of Child Development

Training Children’s EQ with Delayed Gratification?

Training Children's EQ with Delayed Gratification?

Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist, New Horizons Development Centre

Hong Kong is a materially affluent society, but due to the abundance of resources, when children have needs in their lives, parents quickly fulfill those needs, providing them with continuous satisfaction. However, when parents satisfy their children’s needs too quickly, it can have negative effects, failing to train their ability to endure. Over time, their patience may become limited.

Using Everyday Emotions to Cultivate Patience in Children

Delaying gratification or the fulfillment of life’s needs is an important aspect of developing emotional intelligence (EQ). If parents are accustomed to quickly meeting their children’s needs but then complain about their lack of patience, such comments are unfair to the children, as their patience simply hasn’t been cultivated.

How can we teach children to delay their needs? To train children’s emotional intelligence, the key is to “not use harsh measures or rewards.” This means avoiding both physical punishment and frequent rewards, but rather honing their patience and ability to wait through everyday experiences and challenges. Parents can try the following examples:

Example 1: When parents take their children to a dim sum restaurant, they shouldn’t immediately order whatever the children like. Instead, parents can ask the children to finish one basket of dim sum before waiting an additional five minutes before having another type. Alternatively, children can be asked to wait until the parents have eaten part of a basket before they can eat.

Example 2: When children ask their parents to buy toys, parents do not need to buy them immediately. They can explain that the purchase will be made after a few hours, days, or a week, encouraging the children to wait patiently.

Example 3: When children return home from outside, parents should not allow them to turn on the TV immediately. They must first put away their shoes and socks, drink a glass of water, and wait on the sofa for three minutes before they can turn on the TV.

Example 4: When children are out with their parents, they shouldn’t rush to press the elevator button. Parents can ask them to wait until they can go out together and walk to the elevator before pressing the button.

Parents Must Be Consistent and Trustworthy

The above examples are just a few ways to incorporate delayed gratification into everyday life. Using these techniques is not about denying or rejecting your child’s needs but simply delaying satisfaction.It is essential for parents to stick to their principles and remain consistent. No matter how much your child whines, throws tantrums, cries, or shouts, you must hold firm to the “delayed gratification” principle. Additionally, parents must also be trustworthy—if you promise your child something, you must follow through.

When children make requests, it’s also a good idea to ask them to explain their reasons. This not only trains their emotional intelligence (EQ) but also develops their intellectual intelligence (IQ). By paying attention to these small moments in your child’s daily life, you can effectively help them build emotional intelligence. Why not give it a try?

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Promotion of Healthy, Happy and Balanced Development of Children

Play With Toys to Help Young Children Develop, Don’t Just Rely on Technology Products

Written by: Certified Educational Psychologist Pang Chi Wah, New Horizons Development Centre

Written by: Certified Educational Psychologist Pang Chi Wah, New Horizons Development Centre

As the 21st century has entered the generation of electronic media, many parents are not used to buying newspapers, but have also become accustomed to communicating with people online, shopping, reading newspapers and playing games etc. Some parents have also started to buy fewer toys for their children because many games can be played online anytime and anywhere, which is convenient and economical, and the items are diversified and easy to carry.

In fact, the use of computers is becoming more and more popular, from the business world to the education world and everyone’s daily life. Some parents feel that they need to teach their children to use computers as soon as possible so that they can be one step ahead of others and become smarter. But this argument ignores the fact that no matter how diversified and comprehensive the use of electronic media is, everyone needs to live in the real world and deal with their daily lives in a real way.

In recent years, more and more children are being diagnosed with sensory integration dysfunction, some of which are genetic in origin, but some of which are caused by a lack of proper stimulation in later life. Regardless of the cause, society is increasingly demanding more and more of human sensory integration, but unfortunately, as young children grow up, their bodies are less likely to be switched to different space direction due to advanced technology, and their eyes and hands are left to complete tasks on their behalf without much coordination. They will need to face many challenges in the future, but if they are not sufficiently trained during their growth, they will easily encounter many obstacles in the future.

Playing with toys is a natural part of a child’s life, and if they have virtual toys or games, they may lack real personal sensory stimulation. During the infant and toddler years, parents need to provide them with sensory stimulation of the ears, eyes, hands, feet, body, and brain so that they can develop the coordination exercises they need. There are many toys available in the market according to their age, and the categories are very clear, such as 6 months play, one year play, two years play …… you name it. As long as parents are willing to buy, it is not difficult to find the right toys, such as hand-eye coordination, ear-hand interaction and ear-eye sensory integration.

In addition, parents may want their children to grow up to be teachers, police officers, lawyers, doctors, engineers, or bosses, so they can directly and specifically play the roles, manipulate the tools needed, apply appropriate language, and interact with people in a realistic way through toys. Parents are advised to buy such toys related to vocational skills to induce them to play in these roles, as opposed to just looking at a computer screen to fully grasp multi-sensory stimulation.

Although parents may spend a lot of money on toys, and the time spent playing with them may not be very long, it is definitely worth it to ensure that they get the stimulation they deserve. For a more environmentally friendly use of these toys, parents can also collect toys in three-month increments and resell them to other parents or give them to friends. Parents should remember to buy the right toys for their children’s development

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Fostering Home-school Co-operation and Communication

Primary School Application. How do parents choose schools for their children?

Primary School Application. How do parents choose schools for their children?

Written by: Gigamind English Primary School, Principal Kenneth Law

The Primary 1 application process has begun. How can parents choose the right school for their children? How to determine if a school is the right one? While a child’s individual traits are certainly important, young children are highly adaptable. Therefore, the parents’ expectations for education and whether the school can meet those expectations become more crucial. Parents can learn about a school through the following methods:

  1. School websites

Many parents would use the school website to understand the school, but the design direction of different school websites varies, making it difficult to compare them. However, websites generally provide some basic information, which can be considered a convenient way to learn about the school.

  1. Primary School Profile

“Primary School Overview” is also a means to obtain basic information about schools. Unlike websites, the layout of “Primary School Overview” has limitations on titles and word count, making it appear easier to compare. However, it is difficult to see the school’s features, so “Primary School Overview” can only be considered as an additional convenient approach for parents to get to know the school.

  1. Understanding through “Word of Mouth”

Collecting opinions of different people about the school, commonly known as “word of mouth,” can be an important way to understand the school. In fact, it is also a significant factor considered by most parents. However, there are two points that parents need to pay attention to when understanding the school through word of mouth. Firstly, everyone’s observations may be incomplete, and schools can change, so parents should listen to different opinions. Secondly, everyone has different expectations for education. What others consider important advantages may not be important to you, and you may even consider them as disadvantages.

  1. Visiting the School

What about visiting the school? Some people doubt whether visiting the school can reveal its true nature, but I believe that personal contact is still important. Every school has information they want the public to know, which represents the elements the school values. This information can be obtained during a visit. Does this school want everyone to know that its students have good discipline or are lively and confident? Does it emphasize high academic standards or a diverse range of activities? Parents can make comparisons based on these aspects.

By having a clear understanding of their own expectations for education and evaluating in their own direction, it is less likely to be influenced by superficial factors. Choosing a school for one’s children is not easy, but if parents can be clear about what they want and use various approaches to gather information, they will believe that everything will fall into place.

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Promotion of Parents’ Physical and Psychological Well-being

Instead of Overprotecting, It’s Better to Accompany Them Through Ups and Downs.

Instead of Overprotecting, It's Better to Accompany Them Through Ups and Downs.

Written by: Child Play Therapist, Marriage and Family Therapist, Ms. Lee Wai Zi

Recently, I saw a friend share a short video on Facebook, featuring her 5-year-old son demonstrating how to cut broccoli with a serrated knife. The edited video lasted about three and a half minutes and was filmed entirely by the mother. In the video, the boy’s cutting skills were not exactly proficient, but he wore a calm expression and explained his actions confidently.

As a therapist, I completely agree with the mother’s approach of allowing her child to learn and gain experience from life. After all, the harm from a serrated knife is limited; even if he does cut himself, it would likely only result in a minor injury, and children tend to recover quickly. However, as a mother myself, I couldn’t help but feel worried while watching the entire process.

When the boy successfully cut through the broccoli, I let out a sigh of relief. I greatly admired his patience and effort, but I was even more impressed by the mother’s courage.

Many parents often struggle between allowing their children to try new things and worrying about them facing setbacks. While many parents rationally understand that children need some autonomy to develop a sense of responsibility and confidence, the instinct to protect their children from failure or pain is powerful. These worries and anxieties lead parents to protect their children from making mistakes in various ways, such as making decisions for them, completing responsibilities they should handle themselves, or persuading them to solve problems in the parents’ way.

Parents’ concerns about their children’s potential failures come from a place of love, which is natural. However, the greatest gift parents can give their children is not to protect them from making mistakes or getting hurt, but to accompany them through the highs and lows, as well as the successes and failures. This kind of companionship includes respect, trust, and support for the child—respecting their right to make their own choices, trusting that they can handle the consequences of those choices, and providing unwavering support when they face difficulties and setbacks.

No one can guarantee that a child’s life will be smooth sailing, but a parent’s presence can assure their child that they are never alone. Only then can children confidently explore, learn, and develop their strengths.

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Oral Muscle Development Training: Laying the Foundation for Language Skills

Oral Muscle Development Training: Laying the Foundation for Language Skills

Written by: Speech Therapist Ms Jenny T. Y. Kwok

Every child’s language ability is different. Some children can speak various words by the age of one and form sentences by two, communicating effectively with others. However, some children develop their language skills more slowly. In fact, the development of oral muscles has a profound impact on both eating and language abilities. Parents can engage in various small games to train their children’s oral muscles, laying a solid foundation for their language development.

Oral muscles include the muscles of the cheeks, lips, tongue, and jaw, which develop and improve with age and eating experiences. The strength, control, flexibility, and coordination of these muscles are crucial factors in a child’s ability to learn to speak.

Daily meal times provide excellent practice opportunities. However, some cases involve children primarily eating finely chopped or pureed foods, which can hinder the normal development of their chewing abilities, affecting both eating and language development. Common issues include drooling and unclear or inaccurate pronunciation, so oral muscle problems must be addressed.

Here are some simple games to train oral muscles, which we hope will improve children’s oral capabilities through fun activities, thus laying a strong foundation for their language skills.

Blowing Practice

 How to Play:

First, prepare a basin of water and position it between the parent and child, who should face each other. Fill the basin halfway with water and place a paper boat on the parent’s side, adding a small treat or toy (such as stickers, etc.) inside. The parent blows the paper boat toward the child, who can then take the treat. If the child wants more, they must blow the boat back toward the parent.

This blowing exercise strengthens the ability to retract the tongue and round the lips, enhancing the stability and control of the jaw, which improves speech clarity.

Chewing Practice

 How to Play:

Cut harder vegetables or fruits (such as carrots, cucumbers, celery, and apples) into strips approximately the length and thickness of a finger. The parent holds the end of the vegetable strip and places it between the child’s molars to encourage chewing. The parent should stabilize the food’s position, pushing it slightly each time the child bites until the strip is completely eaten, alternating sides for practice. Parents can adjust the size, length, and hardness of the food strips according to the child’s abilities.

Chewing requires the coordination of the lips, tongue, and jaw muscles, while speech development also relies on the collaboration of different oral muscles to produce various sounds. Therefore, chewing training helps improve clarity of pronunciation.

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Understanding of Child Development

Open-ended questions help enhance children’s associative skills

Open-ended questions help enhance children's associative skills

Written by: Pang Chi Wah, Registered Educational Psychologist

Many parents hope to enhance their children’s thinking skills. In fact, as long as parents properly guide their children to connect some small things in life and then ask leading questions, they can consciously think about the things they see and related knowledge. For example, when children see an apple, let them think about what kind of object is also round or red; when they hear the sound of birds, they will think about what kind of animal can fly.

Ask your child more questions that are not restrictive

 

When parents ask children questions, do not force them to answer or ask for a definite answer, or even ask them to answer the question right away because they may still be thinking about it. Parents do not need to ask any restrictive questions and can ask whatever comes to mind, such as what kind of objects chopsticks are like and what kind of people wear uniforms like students. In addition to making them think more, parents can also think and discuss with their children as a parent-child activity, which helps to enhance their relationship.

 

In addition to asking individual questions, parents can also allow children to answer questions with their siblings or friends. For children with higher ability, parents can let them answer more different answers; for children with average ability, they can answer fewer answers; for those with weaker ability, parents can guide them to answer through appropriate prompting and demonstration.

Parents can look for questions in their lives

Parents can look for questions in their lives that they can ask. They can even try to ask questions that are imaginative and open to discussion, so that their children can use their imagination and associative power. For example, parents can ask their children what things are round outdoors, what things in the house are made of iron, what foods are red, and so on. On the other hand, questions with definite and positive answers, such as math questions (1 plus 1 equals how many), are generally called “closed-ended questions” and are not very helpful in improving children’s associative skills because they only have specific answers.

 

In fact, creation and association should start from the smallest things, which is a good way to train children’s associative and thinking skills. Therefore, parents should start from today to enhance your child’s associative skills!